The Three Massive Mistakes That Are Killing Your Love Life - Part 2
Letting Little Boy Run The Bedroom
You’ve had a stressful day and feel like a quick round in the sack would be just thing to relieve the tension and help you sleep. She’s not in the mood. You feel rejected and resentful. She feels like you just want to use her as an outlet for your tensions.
Next morning at breakfast she sharply reminds you about that cupboard door you promised to fix.
“Christ!” you think, “You are always on my case. Bitch!”
Hmmm... Ever been there? Meet you inner Little Boy.
Inside every grown man there is a little boy. Often he runs your life for you. He is that whingey, whiny, moody, needy, dependent, insecure, jealous, resentful, self obsessed side of you. In the bedroom he is trouble.
Sexually, Little Boy tends to show up in two forms: Mummy's Boy and Boy Hero.
Mummy’s Boy. This is the man who comes to his woman like a needy child. Mummy’s Boy wants the security of the warm soft comfort of the feminine and the reassurance that he is loved and he is a good boy. He doesn’t see the real flesh and blood woman he is with but some idealised goddess. On the surface he appears kind and loving but, in the words of one woman...
"Every time I walk by him he wants to hug me. Or give me a pat on the ass. Every minute of the day I am with him I feel the pressure of his love and him wanting a response until I want to kick him"
His big fear is rejection. He’s afraid to ask for what he wants. And of course the great goddess should anticipate and meet all his needs. When she doesn’t he becomes resentful, moody, manipulative, obsessive and even vicious if he throws a tantrum.
Boy Hero . This is the grandstanding show off. The man who is obsessed by his own performance. It’s all “Look at me, I’m such a stud”. One woman told me “It’s like he wants a round of applause afterwards and to be told he is the best ever. He’s totally in his head and it's almost as if I’m not there.”
Boy Hero is using sex to shore up his fragile ego, to make believe he is a man. Scoring a woman is notch his staff and to have a writhing moaning woman underneath him is another. For a woman he might be good for a one nighte,r but she’ll soon see through him.
However he shows up, Little Boy is basically about one thing. We are operating from a wounded inner child who feels in some way he didn’t get the right love and attention when he was little. We keep playing out this story with our sexual partners, and sex is not for pleasure or intimacy, but becomes a drug.
The question for most of us is not - is little boy getting into the bedroom? but WHEN!
The solution.... Great sex comes from a place of emotional maturity and intelligence.
To get there we need to gently but firmly rein in the little boy.
How? This comes back to the Master Lover who I introduced in Part 1 of this series.
Inside each of us there is what Confucius called the Superior Man - This is our “together” man, our big man who knows himself and handles himself like a grown up. He is in touch with his feelings and can express them but they don’t run him. The Superior Man is the foundation of the Master Lover.
He doesn’t need sex to sooth his emotional wounds or bolster his ego. He is not just interested in excitement or release. He is not grandstanding or trying to get love. He is not playing out stories from the past. He is simply present with his lover, in touch with his needs and hers and enjoying the spontaneous flow of pleasure and intimacy in the moment.
He is there in you now. I’ve witnessed countless men find him and embody him. As I’m talking you’ll actually be experience him as a feeling in your body. We’ve all got the Superior Man inside us as well as Little Boy.
We have choice who we show up as: Little Boy or Superior Man
For some men it's as simple as this...
1. Notice when your needy, moody resentful Little Boy kicks in.
2. Say a firm STOP to yourself.
3. Step into Superior Man’s shoes.
4. Do what he’d do, say what he’d say.
For other men whose Little Boy is really out of control, you need coaching and counselling. Trust me on that one.
If you want great relationships and sex, you do well to rein in Little Boy
Either way, if you want great relationships and sex, you do well to rein in little boy and become that superior man.
You’ve had a stressful day. She’s had a stressful day too. You talk things through over dinner and then you retire to your den and do some meditation. She reads a novel. In bed you savour a loving hug before you both fall asleep. The next morning, rested and relaxed…. Need I go on.
Master Lover tip
She is your lover
Not your mother!!!
Stop acting out your old stories. Stop expecting her to meet your emotional needs. Stop using sex as an emotional drug. The more you show up for her as the Superior Man, the more she will be switched on to you sexually. And the better you will feel about yourself.
If she has “gone off sex” it means she hasn’t seen the Superior Man in a while and has had enough of little boy.
Become a MASTER LOVER
Do you need to rein in Little Boy? Do you feel the call to the path of the Master Lover?
Whether you want help to overcome sexual problems, or you want to simply be a great lover, have a FREE confidential, no commitment coaching call with me on Skype and discover how my Master Lover programme could be the key to unlocking the love life you dream of. Click the link to book your call.
Natural Virility Expert
I am a men's coach and specialist in Natural Virility dedicated to empowering men to
I do one to one coaching and write books and articles empowering men to feel great physically, emotionally and sexually.
I offer natural treatments for erectile dysfunction, andropause, premature ejaculation etc. I show men how to enjoy really great sex. I counsel men on relationship issues, porn addiction, masculinity and more.