How Porn Causes Premature Ejaculation

Porn - a major cause of premature ejaculation

What is the relationship between porn and premature ejaculation (PE).​

Porn used to be something shameful. Dirty old men, top shelf magazines in newsagents, seedy cinemas down back alleys in Soho. Now it is mainstream, a multibillion dollar industry and universally accessible, often for free, in mind-boggling quantity and variety on the Internet.

Porn is a massive issue for men today. There is so much about. It’s so easy to access. Porn’s advocates would have us believe that porn is sex positive, liberating and fun.

The reality is that porn is a harmful and addictive drug which hijacks your natural healthy sexual instincts and exploits them for gain. The porn industry is not interested in sexual freedom, it is after profits.

And porn causes premature ejaculation.​

How do men get hooked?

And why do men get hooked? We get hooked because we are programmed to do so. Caveman, our primal instinctual level of being, is strongly visual and has powerful instincts to respond to the sight of a sexually attractive and available woman. In traditional cultures those drives would be triggered by real women – today it’s the flood of cyberporn images. And so our natural Caveman instincts get bonded to an image on a screen rather than flesh and blood.

We stay hooked because addiction to porn is a distraction from unhappiness. Behind most porn addiction is an emptiness. Loneliness, boredom, stress, depression, feeling sexual disempowered, loss of direction in life, unexpressed anger can all be fertile ground for a porn addiction to take root. Porn distracts us from what’s missing in our life but it doesn’t actually fill the emptiness. Men are drawn to porn because it seems to offer power, freedom and excitement. The reality is very different.

Porn anchors your sexuality to an unrealistic fantasy image rather than to intimacy and sensuality with a real person. Porn is almost entirely visual. It closes off the other senses of touch, smell and taste, so important to sexuality. It takes a man out of his body. Porn focuses almost entirely on idealised images of the feminine, leading men to ignore the depth, complexity and beauty of their own sexuality. Porn leads to an emotional/erotic desensitisation, in which more and more extreme images are needed to create the same” thrill”. Porn can make it hard for a man to function in an emotional and intimate relationship with a real woman. Porn leads to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

Go on a Porn site and Observe What is Really Going On

Try this. Go onto a porn site, one of the countless sites that offers a string of free clips and watch a few clips. Don’t go for anything too weird and kinky, just some regular bonking. But take a step back and watch like a scientist, an observer. Observe what is really going on. Analyse what beliefs and messages the clips are putting across.

Ask yourself, honestly, is this really great sex? 

First, notice that few clips last longer than ten minutes, and that includes the preamble and foreplay (such as it is!). The thrusting bit is usually over pretty quick. What message is that putting across?

And look at the way the guys are pumping away hard and fast from the moment they enter. Are you basing your expectations of yourself on how they perform?

The clips are trying to suggest these guys have unbelievable stamina. Actually, they don’t. Much of what you see is smoke and mirrors - clever cutting and editing. I once watched a porn scene being shot. Both actors were bored and he was struggling to stay hard between takes. There was a particularly revealing moment when she was sucking away on his barely erect penis while the director persisted trying to get the shot he wanted. Eventually, pausing to take a breath she pleaded “Can I stop now!”.

I was once curious to investigate some called “good porn”. Tasteful, high production values, non-exploitative, non-objectifying, appealing to women as well as men. The film portrayed a thirty something couple, attractive, but real looking, engaged in passionate foreplay. In fact it was all going great until he actually entered his lover and immediately started banging away at her like a jackhammer. Needless to say, it was a short film!

And Mainstream Move Sex Scenes Are No Better

What about mainstream movie sex scenes? For a start they are usually simulated, but, I read once that the average length of a “hot” movie sex scene is 2 minutes. What message does our subconscious mind pick up from that?

We are constantly told that porn degrades and exploits women. That is true, but never forget that porn degrades and disempowers men just as much as it does women.

Porn negatively impacts on our ability to last longer in bed and enjoy prolonged and satisfying sex in several ways.

How Porn Leads To Premature Ejaculation

  • It takes you out of your body and your senses and traps you in fantasy. If you are not tuned into your body you will not develop the skill of controlling your arousal level and ejaculation.
  • It makes it difficult for us to function sexually with real women. If you are not at ease in a really intimate situation the tension will make you ejaculate more quickly.
  • It teaches a very limited and crude range of sexual expressions.  Good ejaculation control requires skillful and fine tuned sexual technique.
  • It implants totally unrealistic expectations as to what a man is capable of. It you always bang away like a porn stud, you're pleasure, and hers will be short lived.

What to do if you’ve got a serious thing going with porn?

  1. First get real. Get your head out of the sand and fully accept where you are. You’ve got to be able to say clearly to yourself “I’ve got a problem with porn”. Recognize how porn is messing up your life: time wasted, money, deception, barriers to real intimacy. Perhaps the biggest way porn messes you up is that you are dishonouring yourself as a man. You deserve more in life and more sexually, than a furtive wank in front of a screen.
  2. Then stop blaming yourself and let go of shame.  you are not sick, you are not weak minded, you are not a pervert. For whatever reason, you've been tricked. Your sexual urges and erotic desires are healthy and natural.  the worst thing you are guilty of is being conned.
  3. Finally, the cure for porn addiction is simple: STOP DOING IT. Simple doesn’t mean easy so be prepared to seek professional help. The better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to be free of porn. I have 1:1 coaching programmes that can effective get you off porn. If you are addicted to porn, I invite you to book in for a free call to learn how I can help you.

A Step by Step Approach to Beating Premature Ejaculation

Overcoming premature ejaculation is about learning a skill. Lovemaking is a skill just like playing a port or a musical instrument is a skill. You learn any skill by practicing small steps until they become easy and natural. Skilful sex and is no different. If you serious about overcoming premature ejaculation and lasting longer, you need a step by step method.

The Ejaculatory Freedom system I teach to my 1:1 clients is just that, a step by step approach to becoming a skilful lover. The Ejaculatory Freedom system is unique in several ways.

  • It gives you practical skill in monitoring and regulating your arousal levels through a graded sequence of exercises both solo and with a partner.
  • It dramatically boosts your confidence and pleasure in the bedroom using cutting edge "Mind Sculpture" psychological techniques to free you from past fears and negative beliefs and install the mindset of a true master lover.
  • Perhaps most uniquely, it addresses the one fundamental hidden cause of premature ejaculation that no one, not even professional sex therapists and researchers acknowledge.

​Since not every man has the opportunity to do a 1:1 Ejaculatory Freedom programme with me, I've have now written a book on the system. The book is called, How to Last Longer in Bed - A Practical New Approach for Men to Radically Transform Their Lovemaking. The book is a practical self-help guide based on the time tested system I use with my clients.

This book is for you​,

  • If you have suffered long term with serious premature ejaculation to the point where it has interfered with your fulfilment in sex and relationships.
  • If you have recently developed premature ejaculation and don’t understand why.
  • If you have never lasted particularly long and would like to last longer.
  • If you are feeling pressured by your partner to “do better” in bed.
  • If you have a good sex life and good staying power but you’d like to be even better.

​Not only will this book show you exactly how to beat premature ejaculation, it is full of powerful advice and insights about how to create a truly satisfying and pleasure filled sex life for you and your partner.

The book is available as both a paperback and a Kindle edition​. Click on the link below to get your copy.

Nick Hudis

Mentor, transformational coach and author​

"Holding  a strong centre ground between life coach, natural health consultant and sexuality coach I work with the whole man, guiding you through the truly big challenges in life:  Identity, purpose and confidence, work, relationships, sex, health and wellbeing." 

"So I've got a string of letters after my name and 25 years in the field.... It helps being qualified and experienced.  But the most valuable thing I can share is what I have learned the hard way in my own life journey from shy Mr Nice Guy to empowered King in my own realm."  

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