The idea of relationship or sexuality coaching may seem a bit outfield to you and you may cringe at the thought of sitting down and talking about your feelings or raking up the past. Don't worry, it's not really about that!
But, if you've got this far in my website, there is probably something you are looking for a solution to. If this is you, please take the time to read right through this page with an open mind. I'll explain:
Let's get down to basics...
Relationships are BIG. They matter to men just as much as to women. So much time and energy, so many hopes and fears go into your relationship. Deep down we all long for love and fulfillment.
But what about when it all goes wrong? Conflict... demands... resentment... the feeling that you are just not being heard... guilt and shame. And what do you do when it gets stale and routine... just how do you keep the magic alive long-term? What if you struggle to get into a relationship in the first place?
Then of course there is sex. We crave sex. We apparently think about sex every few minutes. We fantasise about sex. We do crazy and irresponsible things to get sex. We like to watch sex. We’ll pay for sex. Sex really matters to most men.
But do we actually enjoy the mind blowing sex we dream of?
The sad truth is, a lot of the time we do not. Most men feel a lot of tension around sex. Are you getting enough?... are you performing ok?... will you get or stay hard?... will you last long enough?... will you please and satisfy your partner?... and what about those fantasies you daren't tell her?
Premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, frustration, libido incompatibilities, porn addiction, prostitution, unfaithfulness. These are massive issues for men, and modern women are more than ever expecting us to be sensitive skillful lovers and partners. There is a lot at stake.
I believe things go wrong because we don't always know how to show up wisely and skillfully in relationships.
Firstly, we run our relationships on autopilot, our unconscious programming. There's our "caveman" drive to reproduce. There is our social conditioning -"A man's gotta do...". Then really big, there is what I call our inner "little boy" - all the fears, hurts, guilts and shames we carry for our early life. Think of the man who had a nagging, demanding mother who is then on the defensive in all his intimate relationships with women.
To be honest, we men don't always deal with this stuff well. We tend to put our head in the sand, try to "man up", or zone out. Our culture doesn't teach us to honour our feelings and needs. It doesn't teach us to be skillful in how we run our life and how to communicate well with others and it certainly doesn't teach us to be skillful in the bedroom!
Often, you know that you need support but you don't know where to go. Then there is that voice that says it is weak and unmanly to ask for help.
The simple fact is that if you are up against it, you need help. You need clarity to cut through the confusion. You need new and effective ways of thinking, feeling and acting. You need someone who's got your back when the going gets tough.
You won't get that on Google. You won't get it from books. You won't get it by trying to figure it out in your head.
That's where relationship and sexuality coaching comes in.
Well, a sport coach is an expert who helps an athlete to maximise their performance. A business coach is an expert who helps a CEO to achieve great results for their business. A life coach helps you sort out your goals and priorities.
A relationship and sexuality coach is an expert who helps you sort out your relationship and sex life. As a coach, I have the training and experience to help you get free of the unconscious programming that is sabotaging your intimate life and to teach you the skills you need to be happy and fulfilled.
If you'd hire a tennis coach or a music coach, doesn't it makes sense to bring in specialist support in this most important area of your life?
Most of my clients work with me online using Skype or Zoom. After an initial chat, we'll agree to work together on a programme, usual for three to six months. We'll have regular sessions, usually 60-90 minutes where we'll explore:
There will be homework to do: self reflection, practicing new skills and habits etc. I want to say, that this is not psychotherapy or counselling (although I sometimes use similar techniques). It's not just about feelings. It's about learning new ways of thinking and acting that make a real-world difference to your life. I've developed a special approach, the distillation of 25 years working in personal development. I call this approach Action Centred Training (ACT) because, what really counts is what you do.
What can you expect? It'll be good to get stuff off your chest, and ask the questions you've been embarrassed to ask. You'll feeling supported, as you receive confidential, professional expert guidance from another man who has been through it himself and come through. You can expect to know yourself better and feel better about yourself.
Above all you'll see real change in your life. You'll find yourself behaving in new constructive ways in difficult situations. You'll find yourself more open to love and intimacy and actively creating good experiences for you and your partner. In the bedroom you'll feel more confident and relaxed and generally able to manage your sexual energy better.
Here are a couple of examples of programmes I've run with men recently.
Premature Ejaculation - C had not dated since his early 20s. He'd always experienced bad premature ejaculation and after he was piteously shamed by a woman he just gave up. Now in his mid 30s, he longed for a proper relationship and one day, kids. On his programme, C learned the practical skills of lasting longer during sex. He learned how to get out of his head, silence his inner critic and be present and pleasure-focused during intimacy. After six months he felt ready to start dating again.
Saving a marriage - D had been kicked out by his wife because of his frequent low moods and outbursts of anger. He still loved her and missed his kids. In his programme, D discovered how he had been running his life on old toxic programmes based on fear and self-hatred. Week by week he learned and practiced new skills of dealing with his feelings, and communicating non-agressively. Soon he and his wife were talking again and planning a future together.
Here are some situations where I'd definitely recommend relationship and sexuality coaching:-
However, relationship and sexuality coaching may not be for everyone. You need to put in the work. If you are just looking for a quick fix that will paper over the cracks, I don't recommend this path. Relationship and sexuality coaching will work for you if:
The short answer is yes, certainly. It takes two to party and relationships and sex are team games! Even seemingly "man" issues like premature ejaculation are often really "couple" issues. It can often be enormously helpful for a couple to work together.
The slightly longer answer is that there is one important but often neglected relationship that needs to be work with as an initial priority. I'm talking about your relationship with yourself. To heal your outer relationship you must heal your inner relationship. Your capacity to open to love with another is a reflection of your capacity to love yourself.
This means there is almost always "solo" work to be done by both partners before we can begin on the "duet".
When doing couples work, I have the option of working as a team with an amazing female coach, Kalyani Ma Mukti. This really gives you the best of both worlds.
Since you've read this far, you now have a good idea of how relationship and sexuality coaching can help you. May be you are seriously interested or may be you want to put a toe in the water and find out more. Either way, the next step would be a confidential chat with me via Skype. I call these chats Breakthrough Sessions because that's what we are looking for, the breakthough that will allow you to move forward.
We can talk for ten minutes or up to half an hour or more. I'll listen carefully to your story and together, we'll establish what you want, what's really going on that needs to change and how to make that change happen. If I think that relationship and sexuality coaching can help you, and you are interested, I'll explain more about how we can work together and what I can offer you. There will be no pressure and I will not try to sell you anything.
To arrange your FREE Breakthrough Session now. Click the button below, choose your time zone and appointment time, fill in a few simple details and look out for a confirmatory email. We'll talk soon!
Thanks Nick, that was a great session. I thought it would be awkward talking about this kind of stuff, but you put me at my ease completely. I'm a bit in awe of your knowledge too. I see clearly now where I've come unstuck and I'm looking forward to getting back on track. This feels life changing.
Nick Has a unique combination of skills, insights and experience that makes his work very special.
Nick is an authority on natural health for men. I have no hesitation about referring to him clients with sperm issues, low testosterone or other male problems.
Your work with men is awesome! Gee, you are a natural at this. The work you do with your clients is very fine. You feel people deeply.
In a recent consultation with excellent natural health coach Nick Hudis, who specialises in the health issues of older men, I described myself as having low energy, moral and libido. Nick gently observed, “Sounds like low testosterone: nothing’s exciting any more?” Nick went on to say “This is why it’s so important for older men to have a sense of purpose. Otherwise they become couch potatoes.”